Bang
by RobinRocks
Summary: If you live by the gun then you will die by the bullet. Spike doesn't think it comes any fairer than that. SpikexJulia.


Ah, _Cowboy Bebop_. I've had an on-off relationship with it – as in, I knew about it, had no interest in it, saw it when I was about twelve, didn't like it, and then recently watched the (excellent) movie, _Knockin' On Heaven's Door_, and promptly – _finally_ – fell in love with it.

Such an excellent series, and I am ashamed of my long-standing snubbing of it – though I stand by my reasoning that, seeing it at the age of twelve, I was not really old enough to appreciate it. And maybe I did myself a favour by not watching it back then on its 8pm Cartoon Network slot – it was probably butchered due to frantic editing to make it appropriate for certain twelve year old viewers at that time of night.

Thankyou, Anime Central – and your non-edited dub shown at midnight.

I dedicate this fic to **Narroch** – as much as your epic MelloxMatt pr0nz-fest surprised me, I'm sure the _fandom_ of this surprised _you_ even more.

:)

Bang

V

If you live by the sword then you will die by the sword.

It's as simple as that – and there is beauty in simplicity. Why make things complicated when there is no need for it; why search for meaning where none can be found?

If there's a meaning to life, Spike Spiegel doesn't want to know about it.

He doesn't care for that kind of secret, never has. It's true that the question of _if_ he's really alive intrigues him—

But if he is, he still doesn't care why.

IV

If you live by the gun then you will die by the bullet.

Makes sense, really; and it seems fair. There is no pretence about Spike when it comes to life and death – he does not think himself immortal. He knows he will die, _embraces_ it, really. That makes sense too, given that he's already died once before. His first death is what he holds responsible for the spliced realm in which he now lives, half in the past and half in the present.

He's living two lives at once – one that has ended, yet he knows he _was_ alive then; and one which hasn't ended, yet feels as though it never truly begun.

That first life was ended by a bullet. _Bullets_. An entire _hail_ of bullets.

Spike doesn't resent it; he thinks it fair. A justifiable end. What else could he have expected?

Nothing. He had expected nothing but that – to die like that—

Or rather, _wouldn't_ have, if only it hadn't been for Julia.

III

_She's a drop of molten gold in a sea of grey lifeless lead._

_Lead is heavy, practical, shaped into bullets designed to kill._

_Gold is something else entirely._

_Julia is silent; gazing up at the ceiling with unreadable eyes, her wild gold hair spread like a broken halo on the pillow. She's been lying this way for a while now. Maybe she's feeling regret._

_Tired of pretending to be asleep, Spike stirs next to her; she turns to him, her sapphire__eyes meeting his amber ones._

_After a long moment, she smiles._

_Spike grins; lifts his right hand, fingers folded to imitate the shape of a gun, and gently touches the tip of his first finger – the "muzzle" – to her temple._

"_Bang," he says; and they both laugh._

II

(Looking down at Wen, Spike can't help but somehow be reminded of himself.

Not that he was ever a child music prodigy; but here is someone who has lived longer than he should have.

Someone who should have died a long time ago.

Maybe Wen will have peace now; restored by a single jewel-tipped bullet to the form which he should truly take, then claimed by death.

This is the same philosophy as Vicious in regards to Spike – return him to his original form, then kill him. It's the only way for Spike to be truly free, Vicious insists.

Vicious may have a point, but like hell Spike is going to stand there and let him kill him.

Regardless, Spike feels a need to send Wen's harmonica spinning up into the air and aim at it with his "gun".

"Bang," he says; and though it doesn't make him feel any better, it doesn't make him feel any worse, either.)

I

Sword or bullet – doesn't matter, really.

Spike can hear more than just the resonating symphony of gunshots from the fray behind him as he ascends those bloodstained stairs – he hears the echo of those that originally killed him—

And the echo of Faye's, shot at the ceiling of the Bebop as he walked out.

Faye doesn't matter, not really; but those gunshots do. She's added another layer to the soundtrack of his two lives, because they weren't intended to kill.

They were shots of frustration; of desperation. She can't stand that he walked out because it's the only place she has left – he and Jet are all she has.

Spike has no sympathy for her. Not because he has none to spare, but because he has none to give. He isn't the sorry-feeling type; and besides—

He has his own place to go back to – namely, a place within shooting range of Vicious.

In the end, one bullet does it.

_Bang_.

Just like Julia.

Vicious falls. Dead. Probably.

Spike is numb as he descends those steps again; he thinks he might be dying, but he isn't quite sure, as he was never really sure if he was alive to begin with.

Makes sense, if he is.

And whether he is or isn't – or if he was never even alive at all – Spike Spiegel feels that there is only one way to express this; only one way to leave the imprint of the fact that he was _here_, alive or not.

He smiles, aims, and says "Bang".

* * *

I love the entire Bebop crew – Spike, Faye, Jet, Ed and Ein – but Spike is doubtless the most intriguing of the lot. Obviously this was intended on the part of the writers, since Spike's backstory is given the most screen time, but watching the series, I did enjoy the way Spike was fairly lackadaisical about most things but sprang to attention the moment he heard the name 'Julia'.

(Incidentally, I have noticed that SpikexFaye seems to be an overwhelmingly popular pairing and I can totally see it, though I have to say that I really liked Julia too, so…)

Anyway… the above was my favourite motif of the series – Spike and his little "bang" thing.

Well, that, and Spike's apparently-superhuman resistance to dying until the last episode. If the episodes _Ballad of Fallen Angels _and _Pierrot Le Fou_ weren't enough, Vincent gave a whole new meaning to the world "overkill" in the movie after shoving his fingers into Spike's ribcage, slamming his head through an unopened window, shooting him through the chest and then tossing him out of a moving monorail into a lake…

O.o


End file.
